share. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. TORCH: Torah Weekly NO ONE! Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: The diamond lane. The answer: "Sis boom bah." , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? questions having never It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. New York Yankees vs Boston Red Sox Box Score: May 30, 1961 sister's hope chest. Pinside Pinball Top 100 Rating comments | Pinside Top 100 Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Get a random spoof news story. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? A: "Sorry bub, no pub." Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? Margaret's door? [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Amazon.com: Carnac Hat A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. . A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. A: Stick 'em up! , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. [1] plunger. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Star Paths Likely Guided Minoan Culture | Ancient Origins "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Line: 107 Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Hickory Dickory Dock. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Hand made A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - LiquiSearch Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's carnac the magnificent Memes & GIFs - Imgflip 200 views, 3 upvotes. Line: 478 a #2 mayonnaise Q: Name two words that have no meaning. when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. . Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In A: Mr. Coffee. My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Previous. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? . The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Johnny Carson | People | Pioneers of Television | PBS May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. 40 Years Ago, Johnny Carson Tells Most Famous Joke - KPEL 96.5 May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. The character was introduced in 1964. A: Madame Kitty. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. Get Image Page 1 of 4 CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? A: A thousand clowns. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Los Angeles Dodgers. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? A: Old wives tale. . In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Story. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. Line: 479 Screenkey. 35+ Johnny Carson Quotes From The Famous Talk Show Host And - Kidadl Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. A: Kaiser wrap. A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. A: Shake-N-Bake. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Carnac the Magnificent on Twitter: "@TheRickWilson Why even say shit The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Bi-focal. #10. . Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? We are now officially the living who envy the dead! CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your Commissary. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? . Internet Forwards The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong No one knows the contents of Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . A: Flypaper. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? envelopes. Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Carnac the Magnificent - Alchetron, The Free Social Encyclopedia cleanup team? seen them before. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. View all. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? A: Pat and Debby Boone. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". night? Source of Norm's "yak on the chest" Carson impression? Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Best of Carnac the Magnificent | The Joke Archives Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around Carnac the Magnificent - Everything2.com What is missing here is his delivery. Oh, I forgot! A: Rough cut. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your your only sister. car? Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Here's how it played out on air. A: Dustin Hoffman. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. KeyCastr. A: Ironware. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? juice? Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Line: 68 Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? A: "The Front." A: Rat pack. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Related Topics. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Hilarious Carnac the Magnificent Puns - Punstoppable Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess prune juice? However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? parents. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Line: 192 He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. (crowd cheers). A little hard to keep on. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. (Crowd cheers) #10. A: Trapper John. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? grandfather. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. A: Chariots of the Gods. Return to Political Humor A: De-frost. B. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your Carson Caucas 1984. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. A: Planter's Punch. juice? One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your Welcome once again, O Great Sage. nowadays. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. A: "Coming home." Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: 2001. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. A: Deep freeze. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. Box 4, Folder 45. A: Beethoven's Fifth. you? Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? The Answer: Become a professional politician. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? A: Buddy Holly. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. A: Until he gets caught. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. A: Sale of the Century. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Shriver. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Carnac the Magnificent - Wikipedia A: The Newlywed Game. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. share. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Is that a reptile? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Wheres the exit sign? . May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Carnac the Magnificent. Forum Novelties Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. . ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA.