I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. . When it gone, its gone. If not he should go on in it. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! You can help by mediating such issues or chalking a way out of the problem together, to restore her peace of mind and bring back the passion in your bedroom. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. Thats a humiliating feeling. LoL. He (so far) said no. Its only going to get worse. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. First few years sex was great. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. My husband has no sex drive at all. Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. When Your Partner Says No To Sex | Psychology Today If your vagina is dry, find out why. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. Career-wise, shes doing better than me, so hes likely out-of-my-league anyway. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Leaving her is not an option. She sleeps in the other room. Men are not brain dead. Your story is very very simular to mine. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. I became completely numb to anything. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Hello fingers!! Im 77 and if I felt my husband was dissatisfied with our sexless, but not loveless, marriage, Id choose to be single. What about the years of devotion? Less. It isnt about the phone or computer. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. . At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? It works for him. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). My sexual desire just stopped. Thank God I love to ski. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. But for women, its quite different. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. Anything less is slow sewer side. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. They need not be. We are both in our Sixties now and have been married for over 35 years and apart for a few occasions, birthdays etc my wife just hasnt been interested. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Hello David, However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Am I doomed? I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. Sometimes, the answer to, My wife rejects me all the time and I dont know why, can be the simple fact that youre not taking care of yourself anymore. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. What to do about it: Make sure your wife has some time to herself to relax and feel restored. Be caring. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). Just as women receive and need emotional connection, men provide a different way of showing their connection to their woman. Never unfaithful. NO! Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. She would be lost. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. It hard to bud out. She says that its up to me to deal with it however I choose. By Joan Price This whole situation sucks for all of us. Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. Not!! Four years of treatment, a fried heart valve replacement due to radiation. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. She displays no interest at all and hasnt for years. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. I have many friends in this situation. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. married 57 years. I dont care what age this happens to a man, somehow the blame goes to the woman for not looking her best,gaining weight, busy with the kids, not willing to give oral sex and the list goes on and on. I just dont get it. I just dont understand. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. 30 years in sexless marriage. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. I want that back in my life as well! At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. Another way to improve lack of sexual desire is to change things up in the bedroom. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. That was then and she is gone now. Makes me happy Im not married. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. How about just being happy with love and affection? Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. Been married 20 years . She always had 2 orgasms before me. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Thank you for sharing! 1. Stayed for the kids (gone now) and because I dont WANT to be divorced but I am so painfully alone. Bull. found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. Dont hold it against her. No way not ever. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. I feel your frustration. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Its bad. Married 23 years. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. Nope. Nothing has changed. Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. Dear, PS Bishislife, That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! Hello Elle, Be a fuckin man. This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. Tell her how much I love her. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. Really? Men are very simple to please. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. Thank you for sharing! But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. Period. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. She actually told me that my friend who went through a similar situation was in need of therapy because his wife caught him watching porn. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. Its the only wu to turn this round. I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. . Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. I respect your right to your opinion, but to say that an egalitarian relationship always ends in dysfunction & misery is unfounded and far from true. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. She never apologized. Nothing, I mean nothing, kills a relationship, a marriage, a union, more thoroughly than complacency and boredom. Cheating just isnt in me. I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). Should I let him go elsewhere? Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. A pill? I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. Haha Im not going to belittle my husband and make him feel less of a man when he is the one with impotence. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Quick and fast is also good. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. 60s, 70s. And you are wasting your life . And Im okay with that. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. and I feel I have been cheated. 1. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Again, he has no interest in sex and doesnt even like me seeing him naked say getting out of the shower, or undressing, etc.. And, he remains curled up and turned away from me in bed at night. Some women have no idea of how belittled this makes a man feel, and its not just a matter of getting our rocks off since we can do that ourselves. The article itself is very weak and rehashed b.s., But the comments are priceless! If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. I actually envy those that are single. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. Here's her full guide to overcoming the sexual avoidance cycle, plus how to support a lower-libido partner. I dont know where to start. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Do they shrink with age? We have been Maries for 26 years. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. She doesnt complain about helping me out but intercourse is quite painful for her and I dont want to press it if shes in pain. No intimacy!!! Emotional connection is the starter and it is counterproductive if her man is resentful or walking around with head down and needy. And everyone under his authority flourishes. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. Ive read where most men think the woman should spice up their sex lives to keep the man from cheating and those kind of men are lazy. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. !, so we better act tough, ya know! No doubt youre frustrated. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. A little over 43 without sex, or dealing with her, I do my own thing and dont really care what she does. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. EXACTLY!!! Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. These promises went on for three years and sex dwindled to once a week, once a month then stopped altogether. The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. My husband never had my love of sex. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. has he? That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. He said hed think about this. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his I went elsewhere a few years back. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past.
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